in a lose, lose situation

so here i am procrastinating the shit out of this last assignment. i despise it with every fiber of my being, truly. the anxiety the passed few months have caused in general is absolutely outrageous. i am slowly finding out that maybe i am more sensitive than i'd like to admit. it's pretty devastating. i can change though. i can turn off some feelings and amp up other, more favorable ones. i just analyze too much. i observe too closely. but is that just my personality or is it a flaw? i also am beginning to see that my expectation of the worst hinders my ability to trust. what is worse though- not trusting but not being that disappointed or trusting and being let down? i change my mind on this issue maybe six times a day. and i put down that the truth makes me happy in my last post. i don't know how true that is, though. sometimes finding out the truth makes me the opposite of happy. in fact, it can make me down right miserable. ignorance is bliss, no? i don't know how comfortable i am with that though. i don't know how anyone could be. then again, not everyone has hyper active brains. i wish it had an off switch sometimes. on to more things that make me happy.

picnics, long car rides with good company or alone, jigsaw puzzles, reading at the beach, walking on the beach, using a rainy day as an excuse to do nothing, being picked up and carried around or just picked up, knowing i don't have to deal with after effects ever again, sweet things said to me for no reason at all unexpectedly, my dog when it's just me and her, feeling healthy, renting a movie for a quiet night in, being able to one up a pompous person in an intelligent conversation, cesar millan.