in the cold light of the morning

rainy days seem to magnify dismal moods and cast a dreary light on almost everything. the passed three days have been like this and yesterday i was going to write about how rainy days don't always have to be bad, but things have changed. no matter how much i will myself to not let the weather affect me, it doesn't work. something always ruins the day. i just hate the sogginess and dirtiness the rain brings with it. why am i ranting about rain? to avoid ranting about other things. maybe i'll rant about them anyway.

yesterday i finally landed a job. it's a bright and cheery place so i'm looking forward to that. it smells great and the music is that of old 40's and 50's which i oddly like. i love the look of all things 50's except for the people, i believe they call themselves "rockabillys", that insist on donning themselves in garb from that era. it's weird. anyway, the people there seem nice enough. i don't have to wear anything stupid which is also a plus and i already got promoted to a higher wage. i am incredibly relieved and can not wait to be on the pay roll. a weight has definitely been lifted from my shoulders. i can't wait to start saving up and building up my bank account again. i love saving money and thinking about what i could do with it in the future. it's a  guilty pleasure of mine to look through pottery barn for a quick minute to see what bathroom fixtures, lamps, and throw rugs would look nice in my future house. not a typical 21 year old girl's concern, but i'm an odd duck- i know this already.

i've been debating on whether or not i should make a one-time-only unhappy list to just get it out of me. i want so much to keep this a mostly positive or at least contented indifferent place, but shit happens and this is all mine, no? alright, here it goes.

smoking, smokers, pot smoking, pot smokers, smoke in general whether it's coming from a cigarette or a burning house/forest, hippies, hipsters, anything involving hips it seems, extreme liberalists, extreme conservatives, upstate new york, miscommunication, gossip, lies, dishonesty, giving your all and not getting as much in return, broken heartedness, puppy mills, extreme intoxication whether i'm the intoxicated or watching the intoxicated, mirrors, being made to feel that i'm needy, roadkill, getting left behind, pictures of myself, watching someone you love spiral out of control, watching someone you love not love you back, the obesity epidemic in america, betrayal, rumors, people taking advantage of their health or simply throwing it away, one sided stories, razor burn, my hair when it's greasy, all of the pointless press on the obama family and what they're wearing, alcoholism, the midwest, my feet when they're dirty, insects, the hills, my voice, slow walkers, a good day ruined, country music, stress, crying in public, crying in general, being forgotten, large groups of people that i don't know, bars, school, rainy days, feeling like i don't fit in with any of my friends or anyone at all.

i apologize for the general tone of this post, but they're my thoughts and i can't help it.