like a dog chasing cars

i now have two jobs and by the end of the summer i should be rolling in money- or at least the thought of money, due to the fact that i have things to pay off and things to waste said money on. hopefully not much will go down the tubes. the first job is great. i get to sit around with cool people and go through paper while listening to music. most of it is legal documents that people have accumulated over the span of their life but i have come across a few gems- like the polaroid of a man flexing ridiculous biceps or a family riddle titled "flannigan's shenanigans". it's a good time. the second job, however, is a borderline nightmare for me. i found out i hate retail. it's a god forsaken business and the only redeeming thing i can find in it is the promise of a paycheck. it's shitty pay, too. but i get my own apron and a name tag. my feet end up hurting and pounding and turning black because of the shoes i have to wear. it's really adorable. one thing i learned about myself though is that i am a scanning machine. i can scan lotion and soap like it's nobody's business. speaking, however, is another story. i hate asking for phone numbers and email addresses because i know how i answer that question myself: no. most of the time, i omit that question if the manager isn't looking. i get a smile from the customer instead of a disapproving and annoyed look. i also can't believe how complicated buttons can be. being a cashier blows. after my shift ends i come out smelling like warm vanilla sugar, coconut lime verbena, filthy money and change. again, really adorable.

but i have to say, having two jobs is rewarding. although i'm tired at the end of the day, i feel like i'm not a total waste of a human life. i made money, i served the public, i did my job to the best of my ability, and i got out of my head for a while. it's nice to take a break from thinking all the time. even though i somehow find a few moments in between tasks to rush a series of thoughts together. it's a talent and a curse. i realize i've overlooked my happy list obligation lately so i'll get back on it right now.

washing my feet after work, washing my face after work, the sound of my home's central air conditioner at night, getting a good parking spot, making my sister laugh when she's trying to talk on the phone, picking lucy up and looking at her confused expression, sunny days.