forever longing the golden sunsets

tomorrow morning, my family and i leave for montauk. it had been an annual family event up until i was about fifteen. after that, my sister and i went once when i was sixteen followed by a trip with a few close friends when i was nineteen. every time, no matter who i may be with- i love it. i always will. it's a place that is exempt from any bad feelings i may have, holding only good memories and a careless happiness that i can't find anywhere else. i can remember times from when i was five years old being in montauk and getting yelled at for running on the boardwalk with no shoes on. that resulted in a 3 inch splinter lodged in my little foot and an uncle ripping it out before i had time to protest it. even that is a fond memory.

i am a profoundly nostalgic person which i think has aided in my unusually precise memory. it's always been important to me to take note of everything around me in a situation so i can relish the event later on. half of my happiness stems from the past. when i think of when i was much younger and my family and my friends when we were all so little, it just lifts me up. it takes me out of whatever shit is going on in the present. unfortunately, i always have to come back down and deal with whatever it may be i need to deal with but for a few short moments, i got away.

when i was much younger, we didn't go to montauk alone. my mom's sister and her family came along, as did our incredibly close family friends who i consider aunts, uncles, and cousins. one memory i have is of michael, who passed away, and i attempting to play chess and really convincing ourselves we knew what we were doing. i was nine and he was six. i don't remember who won, or even how since we had no idea what the point of the game was. after he died, we pretty much stopped going as a family- all of us. but i can't keep myself away from the place. i love it too much. i am so incredibly happy that we're going again in full. we got a nice hotel to stay in that's right on the water and hopefully the nice weather will hold. unfortunately, i have to keep up with my work for the online class i'm in so this laptop will be coming with me. despite the reading and writing of papers though, i am positive i will have a wonderful time. here is the happy list today.

montauk.