fear is a powerful force. it can make us act or stay paralyzed, do or not do. it's one of the most primal emotions and is able to take an infinite amount of forms. the scale of fear ranges from miniscule to enormous. it affects those young and old and middle aged. basically, it's something none of us can escape. we all have to deal with it at different points in time and none of us like it. i don't think i know anyone who claims they can deal with fear perfectly. it causes us to stumble over our own feet and second guess our actions. i deal with fear in a myriad of ways. i get aggressive, agitated, and defensive. i'll stand my ground on shaky feet until the feeling is gone. another mechanism i use to deal with fear is to go somewhat catatonic. i shut myself off from everything and everyone- no phone calls, no internet, no text messages. i will barely even talk to my family. i'll project everything inward until the threat has passed which can take anywhere from three days to three weeks to three months. the age old way of dealing with fear though, is to pretend like it's not there. this is quite possibly the biggest mistake you can make. you have to acknowledge whatever it is before you can move passed it. it's important to understand exactly what it is that fills you fear and then you need to get acclimated to how you may handle the threat or situation arising. avoidance achieves nothing. it only dulls the pang of anxiety and prolongs the chance of feeling the same way again. everyone has a different tool belt of coping mechanisms that seem to work for them individually.
it's time to list my fears:
mutilation of the face or body, amputation of any limbs, paralysis, being severely burned, having something happen to my eyes or tongue, losing my teeth, anything that could potentially leave me deformed in any way, blindness, insects, suffering a long and painful death, dealing with a natural disaster, the ocean at night, being rejected and made to feel small time after time, being less than what you want to be, not mattering to anyone, not making a difference, being sexually abused, what really happens when we die, the future, the past, the fate of my mother, father, and sister, small spaces, having to let go of something, suffocating, drowning, things that are far larger than i am, getting stuck under a floating dock, change, the ending of things.
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