it's fake just like the movies

there is a specific feeling out there, one that there is no word for. it's in between disappointment and aggravation, across from sadness and frustration. i can best describe it as the feeling you got as a child when you expected a giant birthday party with an elaborately decorated pinata and professional face painters with the whole school in attendance and wound up with shitty cupcakes with an unsatisfying amount of icing on them and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game with your cousins and mom. it's that feeling where you know you have to put on a happy face and that you really should be grateful for everything, but you aren't. knowing that you don't feel the way you should makes you feel even worse. i set myself up time after time. i think more of people, give them much more credit than what they deserve and then i am rudely awakened by their actions. i never learn. i say, "this time will work out. this time will be better", and then it's not.

also, i noticed i become incredibly angry when i can not find matching socks.