an acquaintance strikes a chord

when exactly is the right time to let something go? what determines said time and how do you judge the severity of said something? in the broad spectrum of people, i've noticed that it's not exactly kosher to hold on to things whether they be grudges, opinions, hurt feelings, broken hearts, or memories. this brings up another question: doesn't everything that happens to you shape who you are? so then it really makes no sense to let go of anything, does it? it's a horribly confusing cycle. it's taxing to sort through all of our experiences and fumbles through life and manage them in our heads, throwing the worse ones out and keeping the better ones at the fore fronts of our minds. i'm not completely sure i can throw those regretful and heart wrenching experiences away. i don't think i am the only one either. those situations helped shape me, good or bad. has it left me in pieces at points? absolutely, and some of those pieces never got put back. i've come to terms with that. i think a lot of people out there walk around with missing parts. it's pain staking to sort through those undesirable memories but i can't just let them sit and lay stagnant. they'll start to smell.

i connect different things to my memories permanently, so it's always been hard for me to ignore certain ones. something as simple as hearing a certain band or walking on a specific route- these things automatically bring memories back to me, sucker punching me in the gut. even certain smells can do it. some people can detach the strings that connect experiences but i certainly can not. it may be a subconscious way of my brain reminding me of the lessons learned and strife endured, making me think twice about my next move. people should be more aware of their memories. they teach you a lot of things and keep you from making the same mistake over and over again. while the human condition is to continue fucking up, i think remembering can aid in finding a solution. here's a happy list.

feeling resolved.

so assist in the escape

my dreams have been interesting but not particularly noteworthy until last night. completely out of the blue, i had a lengthy and detailed dream about the most random issues, people, and places. i'm not quite sure of where to start, as my dreams often don't have a clear beginning or end.

i was walking around in the city but it wasn't really the city. this is common in most dreams, to think of a place that doesn't look anything like the real location. anyways, i turned onto 5th avenue when a kenyan man swung at me with a giant judge's gavel. he hit another man in the head instead and with that, i ran the opposite direction. i kept running and turned into a doorway that was the entrance to a law firm or what not. when i ran in i saw tom hanks but didn't treat him like he was famous at all. i told him my predicament and asked if he would let me hide there until further notice. he was very gracious in letting me stay and locked the doors just in case the kenyan man with the gavel tried to get in. at that moment, voices from a megaphone traveled in through the windows of the law firm. apparently, the voices belonged to canadian officers that were after me for a crime i didn't commit. they had sharp shooters lined up and were banging on the door. i knelt under the window to avoid getting shot and the bangs on the door grew louder. at some point in time, tom hanks transformed into hulk hogan somehow and i didn't treat it like it was anything strange. he told me to run upstairs and wait on the roof for him. i did so on my hands and knees to avoid being seen through the windows and crept onto what i thought would be the roof of the building. when i got there, it was a garage with my family's cars in it though. i decided to hide under one of them and after a few minutes, my mom came into the garage with my sister asking where i was and that they needed to give me up to the police. my mom caught me under the car and nonchalantly said that i should really turn myself in. i cried and screamed that i was being falsely accused and then my dad came in and started yelling just as loud as i had been. he said i better go or else canada would start a war with america. i begged them to just hide me and play dumb with the police but they were having none of it. so i decided to make another run for it and ended up in a beat up jeep at hulk hogan's fish restaurant in the middle of the woods. i decided to not let him know i was there for fear of getting the same reaction i had received from my family. i opted to keep driving. i sped by on a desolate road with a view of the water to my right. all i saw was dead whales floating at the surface and random boaters looking at the carcasses with a blank stare.

the dream trails off somewhere on that road, with me glancing at that horrible body of water.